The more people you surround yourself with, the happier you’ll be. This is most people’s assumption when it comes to finding friends and fitting in. In reality however, this can be a big misconception. Just because you’re with a lot of people or know a lot of people doesn’t mean you have developed meaningful relationships. Having a small group of people in which you all share a deep connection and share similar values is much more meaningful. Let’s debunk this conception of “the more the better ” mindset.
Being alone in a crowded room
Many people perceive that having more people in your life is better than having less. They try and conform to fit into groups and match the personality of whatever it is the majority of said group has adopted. This conformity is not good, and will lead to deep unhappiness, quite the opposite of the original intention. Changing yourself to fit in with others never works in your benefit! Read that line again. If you have to hide who you really are to try and fit in, you’re around the wrong group. When you do this, you oftentimes manage to lose sight of who you truly are without even noticing. The more time goes by, the more you start to feel less and less like yourself until you look in the mirror and don’t recognize what you see. I’ve been there, and it’s not a good feeling. A lot of the time, people have to go through this the hard way and see for themselves how this process carries out. My advice to you coming from personal past experiences is to reflect on your life now, who you hang out with, and how you feel around them. Compare that to the way you act when are with family, how you think when you’re alone, and how you really think about things as an individual rather than unwittingly conform to “group-think”. If you are distraught with what you discover about yourself, start fixing it now. Think about who you are as an individual rather than what the “cool” things to think or do are. This sounds like something that only occurs in high school with teenagers, but believe it or not it happens very frequently in the world of adulthood as well. If you reflect on yourself for some time and realize you don’t like who you are anymore, it’s time to make some changes and get you back on track.
You are who you spend the most time with
So, you’ve recognized how much you’ve changed and realized the large group of people you are frequently with had influenced you very negatively. That is common, don’t feel alone. In my previous post I talked about not avoiding confrontation when confrontation is necessary. This is a situation where confrontation isn’t necessary at all. Slowly distance yourself from the people who are dragging you down and influencing your thoughts negatively. You don’t need to tell them you don’t want to be around them because they’re a bad influence, just simply drift away from them and the process will flow naturally. This happens all the time and people attribute it to “losing touch” due to whatever circumstance they may drum up. Whatever the case may be, this is a big first step.
The next thing that helps a lot is rediscovering yourself. This is a period where you do a ton of self-reflecting on past experiences and how they changed you for better or for worse. You look for ways to improve your life in a way that makes you happy, and learn a bunch of new things that may interest you during this time. I went through a process like this not long ago where I simply reflected and learned for months. I didn’t have much interaction with people outside my family and I was better for it. This is what I like to call reestablishing your roots. No one can make you feel like yourself like your family can, and it important to spend time with them frequently especially during a difficult and confusing period like this. After some time of rediscovering yourself and learning new and interesting things that make you feel motivated, look for people who share some of the same interests and values you do. These are the strongest and most meaningful bonds you could form. Outside of family, these are the most important bonds you can make. Chances are, you had some friends you lost touch with in the past that you shared a lot of values and beliefs with, and was always there for you when you needed them. Reconnect with these people. Call them. Go out to lunch with them. Rekindling past friendships is one of the most fulfilling things I have ever felt. Sometimes, your best friends have been there all along without you even noticing. Another thing to do is join Facebook groups with like-minded people you can connect with in your area. This may result in friendships and even maybe future business partners if you find something you’re both passionate about. These people should all bring something to the table that is new and exciting for you. Usually, people who share similar values to you will be able to show you new things that may interest you that you may not have ever thought of on your own. I was introduced to real estate this way, and I could not be more thankful. These are just some of the ways to start trying to form real, organic friendships.
Although you don’t have to and shouldn’t agree on everything, conversations with the people who will really improve your life should always be valuable. This is key to look for when forming bonds and relationships. It’s not about the quantity of relationships you form, it’s about the quality. This is a big reason why keeping a small group of friends you rely on and trust can be a good thing. Remember, don’t force friendships or relationships that aren’t there with people you share nothing in common with! Don’t change who you are to fit in! Let things happen organically and you will be better for it!