So much of our communication is clouded before we even open our mouths. There are a variety of reasons for this phenomenon. Most commonplace amongst them are assumptions and biases we have before a conversation even begins. These preconceived notions can shape the direction of a conversation for better or for worse. With a clouded perspective from the beginning, how can we hope to have productive conversations? If most of the conversation is spent disarming the assumptions of one another, how can we get to any substance? In short, when we let these things cloud us, our ability to have productive conversation diminishes significantly. There is a better way forward.
Blank Slating
It’s human nature to assume and conclude things in our own heads even devoid of any real evidence that may support these self attributed claims. We all have a tendency to fall into this trap one way or another. Just being conscious of this pitfall of human nature already puts you light years ahead of most other people with your ability to exchange ideas effectively in a dialogue.
The single most effective way to ensure you have the most productive conversations possible is to enter them with a blank slate. Do not let your mind wander about things you can’t yet conclude. Devoid of facts, your mind tends to fill in the blanks and come to conclusions preemptively. With this in mind, you can see how poisonous this can be for productive dialogue. Entering a conversation open to listening and hearing the perspective of your counterpart allows you to do some real fact validation and come up with your own conclusions after facts have been presented from another perspective.
Everyone has a topic at the dinner table that is considered taboo. Talking about this topic is considered blasphemous because no one wants to see tempers flare. This describes so many dinner tables in America when it comes to sensitive topics such as money, politics, etc. People don’t know how to communicate effectively when these things come up so they just avoid it altogether. This avoidance of nuanced conversation allows for assumptions to be made, resentment to build, and relationships to fracture. The art of blank slating when it comes to having these types of conversations can allow for extremely productive, and oftentimes quite interesting and fun conversation. You’ll be exposed to new information you might have never considered prior that can change your opinions. You can finally understand what the world looks like regarding sensitive topics through the eyes of those you care about but haven’t dared talk to about a particular topic in the past. Productive conversation can feel uncomfortable at first, and that’s okay. Almost everything worth doing that enhances our experience as human beings is uncomfortable at first. Embrace this instead of shying away from it!
Stay Malleable When Presented With New Facts
One of the biggest hurdles we face as good communicators is our inability to accept new information from others if it directly goes against things we’ve internalized into our belief system. Part of productive conversation is the ability for your perspectives to change when presented with new facts you may not have been aware of prior. This should not be misconstrued as front running or not having a true value system, rather its being humble enough to accept the reality that you’re not perfect. Someone might have access to knowledge or information that you may not have been privy to prior. These conversations can be used to build your arsenal and repertoire that shapes your belief system. This malleability is what makes debate, negotiation, and dialogue so beautiful when done properly.
One of the most prominent examples of this I can recall is when political commentator Dave Rubin had heavyweight conservative commentator Larry Elder onto his show. Rubin, a left-winger at the time, came into the conversation with his set of conclusions based on the facts he had access to prior and his perception of these facts. Elder, carefully and methodically, debunked all of the left wing rhetoric Rubin had rattled off to him with facts and data Rubin had been ignorant of prior. To his credit, Dave Rubin was malleable in his opinions when presented with these new facts. He had just been completely transformed by his guest on his own show. His world had been rocked. Since then, Rubin has been an outspoken conservative commentator himself with a platform of millions of followers. He often references this interaction between himself and Larry Elder as a major turning point for himself and his career!
This is just a single example of the power of blank slating and malleability when presented with facts can have over your conversations. You’ll be opened up to perspectives you may have never considered prior, and these perspectives might just help shape your world view. This type of dialogue is what makes you grow as a person and become the best version of yourself you can be. You owe it to yourself to approach conversations going forward in this way. Your world will never be the same!