Trying to constantly please everyone creates indecision and inaction. Selflessness is a quality that is promoted by society as the virtuous path, while selfishness is demonized as an evil quality. This is a counterintuitive mindset to have, and quite hypocritical for someone successful to say. The careers of those who reach the highest levels of success have some degree of selfishness attached to it whether they want to believe that or not. Being a balance of selfish and selfless is the best way to approach life in every aspect. Those who have become super wealthy did so by being selfish at least in some respects. They sacrificed time with their families and friends, missed events and parties, and so much more to get to where they got. When they finally got there, those who stuck by their side through the difficulty are usually rewarded for their loyalty. This general description is an illustration of the balance between selfishness and selflessness required to create success in your life. Being extreme in favor of either is harmful to the human experience.
Selflessness isn’t always virtuous
We are all taught from a young age to be selfless, and that is a great quality to have. We should always look for ways to make the lives of other people better and give back to the world. However, time and time again, there are examples of people that are so generous they never get to achieve what their true potential in life was meant to be. This is not ideal because if each one of us isn’t contributing what we can to the advancement of society, it is doing others a disservice, especially those close to you. When someone is overly selfless, they are often taken advantage of. It is the sad truth of human nature that this is the case, and many people interpret that selflessness as weakness and take advantage of situations when they feel like they can get away with doing so. This creates a cycle of dependence that is not easy to break, and that “virtuous” selflessness has now created a tense relationship where one party becomes reliant on the other. These types of dependent relationships can suck the life out of you and hold you back for virtually your whole life if you let it. Sometimes, making the difficult decision, one that may be deemed more selfish, of cutting off these kinds of relationships in favor of advancing your own life is actually a blessing for all parties. Just as being on this extreme end of the spectrum is disadvantageous, so too is the other extreme.
The good, the bad, and the ugly of selflishness
Selfish is a word that is generally used to describe one’s character in a negative connotation. In many instances, selfishness can be bad and harmful. In other situations, not so much. There is a fine line one must walk between selfishness and selflessness. Go too far one way and your life and chances at success will suffer. Either extreme will lead to the loss or corrosion of important relationships. The main component of selfishness that I am an advocate of is that you can’t always please everyone. Pleasing everyone teeters you too far into the extreme selflessness realm. You need to set the expectations of what others can expect from you. In order to maximize your potential and reach your goals, you will have to make sacrifices. Many of these sacrifices won’t be appealing to other people around you and your circle might get smaller. This type of selfishness is just par for the course. You can’t really achieve anything great without giving it the bulk of your time and attention for a prolonged period of time. Many people won’t understand the journey you’re undertaking because it is a selfish one. You achieving your goals and finding success in turn helps everyone around you. Success has a macro and micro scale. On the micro level, you have an immediate positive impact on those close to you including family and friends. On the macro level, depending on how big your success and aspirations of success are, you can contribute positively to the local or even national economy by creating jobs for others and introducing new and innovative ideas to advance specific practices. The result of being selfish to a degree in which you can focus as much as possible and hone in on your goals is that whatever that success creates will have a net positive impact on society and those around you.
The case for a balance between selflessness and selfishness is nuanced. Everyone is different and everyone has different dreams and aspirations, some bigger or smaller than others. However, the fundamental facts remain the same that there needs to be a balance, a harmonious relationship between the two for any success to be realized. Being selfish just as being selfless can have a net positive impact on society and the individual. No longer should we demonize one quality and put the other on a pedestal. They are to work together for the greater good to create bold and innovative people who can carry the world as we know it forward to greater and richer achievement.